The 5 Month Mark - A Recap

It has been 5 months to the day since I arrived in Australia and I've been doing some reflection about what I've learned and how far I've come in my personal development over this time span. I went out to dinner with my friend Kirsten, who has known me almost the entire time that I've been here, and she was able to lend me a valuable external perspective on my progress. She told me that I've come a long way since she first met me and I started to think about the ways that I've changed.

To start with, I came to Australia on an intuition, not knowing why I was drawn here. I had spent 10 months working full time and saving all my money, constantly getting the sense that I was preparing for something major without a clue as to what it might be. Then I talked to Danny, who was finishing his last few weeks of work on a Hawaiian cruise ship. I asked him what was next and when he responded that he would go to Australia, I immediately said, "Australia? That sounds awesome. Can I come with you?" He thought I was joking at first but it made perfect sense to me to come along and my mind never wavered about the decision after that moment of insight.

Ok cool. I'm going to Australia. I suppose I should think about lots of stuff and make plans and read things, etc. Eh, that doesn't feel right. I don't want a tourist trip and I don't want to go with any programs that will hold my hand (for a pretty price as well). Let's jump off the deep end man! So we went with only a backpack and some money in the bank, without even bothering to book a hostel for the first night. We literally walked out of the airport in Sydney and asked ourselves, "What now?"

"What now?" has been a big theme of this trip. I decided that I didn't want to plan anything. This would be a turning point for me.. an opportunity to base my decisions from a place of truth, intuition, the higher mind and gut instinct, rather than to continue to follow the logistical, mentalistic, dead modalities of 'paranoid androids' and those who live in a world without magic. Despite the initial hesitations and illusion of risk, the trust in this inner voice has never let me down and has led me to many places, people, and ideas that I would not have crossed paths with otherwise. I now know, without a thread of doubt, that the intuitive voice of my heart is smarter than the churning gears of my mind and I will continue to live the rest of my life in this manner. This means you can never ask me where I'll be in a year because I will not know. I'm continually living in the present, asking myself "What now?"

At the start of the journey, I had multiple goals in mind for tackling personal obstacles that I had failed to conquer on several previous attempts. People who meet the Finch I am today do not know how far I've come from the David of my past. They are often surprised to learn that I am very shy and used to battle with social anxiety, depression, and a complete lack of self-confidence. These issues were birthed from the social atmosphere in which I was raised, constantly engulfed in criticism, restriction, violent and emotionally explosive fighting with my parents, and the influence of a stuffy, affluent suburban town. There are many, many positive things that came from my childhood, but by the time I left for college at the age of 17, I had a very complicated emotional puzzle to sort out. My entire life, I had not been aware of the state of my mind or the extent of the damage incurred from all the fighting and upon realization of the mess, I started the lengthy process of untying knots, one by one. By the time I finished college, I had untied most of it, including moderate depression, minor OCD, anger issues, self-hatred, a tendency to follow, negative thought tendencies, etc, etc. However, the most deeply rooted knots still remained, such as a lack of trust for others, social anxiety, and lack of confidence. I found that it was very difficult to get to these because they required my full focus, which I was not able to devote due to things such as school and work. What better time to dig them up once and for all than a 9 month trip to Australia with complete freedom and all the time I need to pour myself into the challenge? People I've met along the way have told me that many travelers come to Australia for healing and apparently I am no different.

Resting at the halfway mark of the trip, I realize that I'm about halfway along in the completion of my goals. I'm no longer hesitant to leave my friends or comfort zones to pursue an opportunity that my inner voice tells me to chase. I used to wait to see what others would do or what they would think if I left but I don't need to do that anymore. It's my life to live and I hope that others will understand that it's not selfish for me to do what's best for me. I fully expect and encourage other people to do the same for themselves, even if it goes against what I want out of the situation.

I now move more decisively and each step forward is carried with more confidence than the last. I am not as weighted by fear as I was in the beginning. I can see the parts of myself that still need work and I am setting forth upon those knots with purpose. Who am I now? Who will I be when it's finished?

I am aware that many of the things I have worked on in myself are issues that many people deal with and that some are very common. Even though they are deficiencies, they are perceived as normal and some people ask me why I care so much about overcoming them? Well, the most common cause of death in the US is coronary heart disease. You can choose to label that as normal as well, or you can change your diet and lifestyle to avoid it. Whenever I overcome an obstacle to progress within myself, I become a better person. I get to carry these lessons with me for the rest of my life and will continue to build upon them, reaching a higher and higher level of understanding and wisdom along the way. Why wouldn't I lead my life in this manner? Why wouldn't you?